Lost Soul
by Maruda101
Summary: a kit whose mother died when she was born, and her father blames her for it. Will Lostkit ever gain the love of Dustpelt? Or will she be lost forever, not knowing the love of a father?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Jayfeather crouched over the weak body of Ferncloud as she lay, heavily panting, on a nest in the nursery. It was the day after the half moon, when the medicine cats travelled to the Moonpool to speak with Starclan, and nearly an entire moon since Hollyleaf had died, Leafpool had stepped down as medicine cat, and the stunning truth of who Jayfeather and his sibling's true parents were was revealed.

Dustpelt crouched worriedly nearby, watching his mate struggle to give birth to another kit which Jayfeather had suggested they shouldn't have after Ferncloud struggled giving birth to Foxpaw and Icepaw, who were outside waiting with Millie, Daisy and their kits.

Finally, after a long struggle, Jayfeather confirmed that their new kit, a small she-kit, was alive and would be fine after a few moments. He passed the kit, a tabby brown colour like her father, to Dustpelt to clean whilst he checked over Ferncloud.

Jayfeather grew concerned when he smelt blood, and not the blood of the afterbirth. Ferncloud's breathing became more laboured and her eyes began to droop; Jayfeather cursed mentally and hurried out of the nursery, returning a few moments later with herbs clamped in his jaws. He chewed most into a poultice and persuaded Ferncloud to open her mouth and chew them; she did as she was asked, but could only manage a few chews before her jaws ran out of strength and opened, making the poultice fall out.

Becoming increasingly worried for his mate, Dustpelt crept forward with their kit and placed her gently on the ground before looking his mate in the eye and almost pleading with her:

"Ferncloud, I don't think we should have any kits anymore. Just please hold on, please make it through this." He meowed gently, licking his mate's ears and trying to get her to swallow the poultice again.

"I think…You're right…" Ferncloud forced out, flanks shuddering as she inhaled a shaky breath. "We…should stop…having kits…" Her eyes slowly dropped shut and her flanks fell and stilled, she didn't inhale air again because she didn't have to; Jayfeather bowed his head. Dustpelt stared at his mate's face; a calm, peaceful expression planted eternally on it, and felt his world dissolve around him until he felt like he was falling through nothing.

Jayfeather heard the tom collapse and shuffled over to him, helping him up into a sitting position. "You still have your daughter." The medicine cat murmured to the warrior, nudging the newborn who was wailing for milk. Dustpelt turned his gaze slowly downwards to said daughter and Jayfeather swore he could physically feel the dislike radiating off the dark brown tabby warrior.

"Oh yes…So I do." He muttered; Jayfeather frowned.

"It's not her fault Ferncloud died, don't blame her." The gray tom almost snapped at the other tom. "If anything it's your own fault. I told you quite clearly not to have another kit and what did you do? Went ahead and got Ferncloud pregnant again!" He felt Dustpelt flinch away from him and Jayfeather sighed. "I'm sorry, but it's really not your kit's fault. Do you have a name for her?" The medicine cat bent down and began to lick the she-kit in an attempt to quiet her wails and almost froze at Dustpelt's next words.

"Lostkit." He near-spat. "Because her mother is lost and she is too."

The medicine cat sat up sharply and turned his head to snap at the warrior but Dustpelt had already turned and stalked out of the nursery without looking back. With a disappointed sigh at the tabby warrior, Jayfeather picked up Lostkit – as she had been named – and carried her outside to the waiting clan, ready to explain what had happened.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Lostkit shivered as she woke up to a chilly Leafbare breeze blowing into the nursery; the breeze stirred the other cats in the den awake and Lostkit shuffled over as Rosekit stretched out. After her mother's death Daisy had agreed to look after Lostkit, and Millie had said she would share the task if Daisy began to run low on milk.

It had been almost a moon since Ferncloud's death, Dustpelt rarely visited his kit due to grief and the fact he blamed Lostkit for his mate's passing; the few times he did visit he had been dragged along by Jayfeather on one of his check-ups to see how Lostkit was faring. The clan had, for the most part, gotten over Ferncloud's passing now and were doing their best to move on with life and make Lostkit feel accepted as a member of the clan.

Whitewing awoke last, licking her two kits – Dovekit and Ivykit – to rouse them from sleep and let them suckle. Lostkit huddled close to Daisy's belly as Rosekit and Toadkit bounded outside to play once they saw the ground was white with snow and were quickly follow by Millie's kits: Bumblekit, Briarkit and Blossomkit. It was an exciting day for Rosekit and Toadkit; they were finally 6 moons old and were to have their apprentice ceremony at sunhigh.

Daisy waited until Lostkit had finished suckling before standing and leading her adopted kit outside into the cold snow, Whitewing following with her half moon old kits. Lostkit, being the 2nd youngest and so not very into the rough-and-tumble games the older kits were, offered to play with Dovekit and Ivykit and began to count whilst the two youngest she-kits giggled and scampered off to hide.

They didn't hide far and Lostkit found them hiding behind the entrance of the nursery, they both giggled and pounced happily on the brown tabby she-kit, knocking her to the ground, and began to play a gentler version of the older kit's play-fighting game.

After a while the kits all agreed to play a chasing game where one of them had to tag the others, and they played all the way up until just before sunhigh- where they stopped to regain their breath and energy before Rosekit and Toadkit's ceremony.

"All cats old enough to catch their own prey gather around Highledge for a meeting!" Firestar's voice rang out around the camp, gathering the cats from their previous activities. Rosekit and Toadkit were giddy with excitement but did their best to hide it behind a proud façade as they walked up to the Highledge, the queens and the other kits following. Lostkit sat close to Daisy's side and managed to smile at Rosekit when she turned and grinned at her; the two had become close in the time they had known one another and Rosekit had asked her mother once why she hadn't given birth to Lostkit as well, because then she would have had a sister. Lostkit blinked to clear the thought from her head and paid attention to Firestar again as he began to call out the traditional kit-to-apprentice ceremony.

"This is a proud day for Thunderclan, by naming apprentices we show that Thunderclan will survive and remain strong. Toadkit and Rosekit, from now until you receive your warrior names you will be known as Toadpaw and Rosepaw." The two new apprentices sat up straighter and beamed, their heads turning discreetly to look behind them to see who their new mentors would be. With a flick of his tail, Firestar summoned Sorreltail and Graystripe to the base of Highledge.

"Sorreltail, you are ready for an apprentice, you will be Rosepaw's mentor, and Graystripe, you will be Toadpaw's mentor. I know you will pass on your strength and speed to Rosepaw and Toadpaw, and teach them the skills that will make them brave warriors of Thunderclan." Firestar finished. Graystripe and Sorreltail nodded and bent to touch noses with their new apprentices, who responded eagerly; the clan cheered and chanted the new apprentices' names, coming forward either by themselves or with another cat to congratulate them both – their mother, father and Lostkit among the first.

Lostkit didn't fail to notice Dustpelt hanging back until she had gone back to the nursery with Daisy to walk forward and congratulate Rosepaw and Toadpaw, and how he didn't make direct eye-contact with her, just stared somewhere off to the left of her face. Daisy noticed too and gave Dustpelt a stern look as she and Lostkit walked off; giving her adopted kit a few reassuring licks on the head, Daisy comforted the tabby she-kit by saying that her father would get over Ferncloud's death, they just needed to be patient. Lostkit nodded mutely then trotted off to play with the other kits; Toadpaw and Rosepaw joined them after a while, saying their mentors had let them off for the rest of the day and that their training would officially begin tomorrow.

As Lostkit scuffled playfully with Briarkit - the queens watching on to make sure no one got accidentally hurt - with the other kits cheering them on, she figured that she could be patient and wait for Dustpelt to forgive her, because she had lots of friends and an adopted mother who would keep her feelings up and push away the loneliness; besides, Spiderleg treated her like another of his kits, and he was enough of a father figure for Lostkit at the moment.

Letting Briarkit up off the ground, having successfully pinned her down, Lostkit scanned the camp for Dustpelt whilst she caught her breath; she spotted him talking with Brackenfur near the fresh kill pile and a couple of heartbeats later Sandstorm joined them both. Dustpelt caught Lostkit's eyes for a brief moment before turning his head sharply away and stalking to the entrance, Sandstorm and Brackenfur following him with worried and sympathetic looks on their faces.

Letting out a quiet sigh, Lostkit turned her attention back to the group of kits who were now cheering on Blossomkit and Bumblekit as they play-fought with one another; Spiderleg might be a good father-figure for Lostkit, but he wasn't her real father, and no amount of caring could fill the gap in her chest that longed for her father's love.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Lostkit squeaked in surprise as she was pounced upon by a happy Dovekit, who had grown bored waiting for everyone to wake up so decided to force her closest friend – and her sister – awake. Blinking sleepily, Lostkit sat up and looked at Dovekit in confusion, unlike Ivykit who was busy glaring at her sister's back.

"What Dovekit?" Lostkit yawned.

"I'm bored, let's go out and explore!" Dovekit exclaimed quietly, so as not to wake the queens.

"It's not even dawn; go back to sleep, sis." Ivykit grumbled, lying back down and rolling over so her back was facing her sister. Dovekit frowned and looked at Lostkit pleadingly; Lostkit stared back at her for a few heartbeats before caving, she was awake now and she could never get back to sleep once she was awake.

"Fine, but we're not going too far; remember Sandstorm said she smelt fox on her patrol a couple of days ago." Lostkit said and let Dovekit lead the way outside.

"Yeah I know, but that was two days ago; it's probably gotten bored and moved on now to worry one of the other clans." Dovekit told her friend confidently, creeping around the edge of the camp; Lostkit wondered if she knew that her creeping was so bad that the sound her paws made on the ground didn't change at all, but decided not to bring it up so just kept padding normally along behind her.

Dovekit paused beside the camp entrance and looked around to see if any of the warriors were waking up yet, Lostkit looked around half-heartedly to make it seem like she was at least slightly enthusiastic about following Dovekit into the forest where who-knows-what could get them and restrained a sigh when Dovekit flicked her tail to signal all was clear.

The two were almost at the mouth of the entrance to camp when Dovekit walked into the back leg of the warrior on duty: Thornclaw. At the impact, the golden furred warrior turned his leg and Lostkit smiled nervously up at the warrior when he frowned at them both.

"And what do you two think you're doing?" He asked but waited for no answer. "Do you know how worried your mother...the queens would be if they found you missing?" Lostkit looked away at a bramble thorn on the camp wall when Thornclaw corrected himself, remembering that one of the kits he was facing didn't have a real mother anymore.

"But we wanted to explore!" Dovekit mewed, tail drooping in disappointment; Lostkit didn't bother to correct Dovekit that she hadn't wanted to go exploring; only Dovekit did.

"You're too young to be out in the forest on your own; besides, that fox could still be out there and it could turn two kits like you into carrion." Thornclaw told them both firmly.

"I could take on a mangy old fox!" Dovekit exclaimed defiantly, puffing out her chest.

"No." Thornclaw repeated and nudged the two back through the entrance and into camp. "Now go back to the nursery; I'll be watching you both until you do so don't try to sneak out another way." Dovekit pouted but did as she was told, Lostkit walking along beside her; the brown tabby looked back over her shoulder at Thornclaw, who was staring firmly after them, doing what he said he would do and watching them both until they went into the nursery.

Once both kits had padded, Dovekit rather reluctantly, back into the sheltered den Lostkit settled immediately back down on Daisy's nest, trying not to shift the moss beneath her to much so as not to wake the cream furred queen. She heard Dovekit settle down on her mother's nest beside her sister with a loud huff, and Lostkit cracked open one eye to glance at Dovekit before shutting it again and attempting to get a few more hours of sleep before she was woken up by the stirring queens.

In the morning, Ivykit said nothing about Dovekit and Lostkit leaving the nursery to go exploring and thankfully Thornclaw kept quiet too; but he sent knowing, disapproving looks to both kits when he passed them on his way out of camp on a hunting patrol. Rosepaw and Toadpaw emerged from the apprentice den, happy-faced and lively as they bounded across camp to find their mentors who would be taking them on a border patrol that morning; the two apprentices waved their tails at their mother when they spotted her outside the nursery and she waved her tail in reply, smiling proudly.

Briarkit, Bumblekit and Blossomkit were ecstatic that morning after realising - once they had woken up - that their own apprentice ceremonies were less than 1 moon away. They play-fought with extra vigour that morning, Bumblekit even winning a scuffle against his older sister, Briarkit, for the first time.

Puffing his chest out in his pride as the other kits cheered for him, Bumblekit ruined his winning image by running to Millie and acting like a half moon old kit again as he told her about his win, even though she had seen it from where she was sat 3 tail lengths away. Briarkit licked down her ruffled chest fur and sat off to the side with Dovekit and Ivykit whilst Lostkit and Blossomkit paced forward began their play-scuffle, rolling around on the warming ground, a few shoots of new grass being crushed underneath the kits weight.

Batting Blossomkit over the muzzle, being careful not to hit her too hard, Lostkit managed to knock the older kit off of her and regain her footing, almost slipping back down on a damp patch of mud. Blossomkit came at her again and tackled her back to the ground, Lostkit was unable to find an opening and was stuck rolling around the area around the nursery with Blossomkit, both competing for the final blow that would win them the play-fight.

Lostkit wasn't sure what happened next but Blossomkit had let out a short cry of pain and let go of Lostkit, rolling back onto her paws and turning to face her mother who had rushed over with the other two queens and the other kits the moment Blossomkit had cried out. Lostkit stood as still as the rock walls surrounding camp, wondering if it was her fault that Blossomkit had gotten hurt and if she would get told off and lose her friends.

"What happened, what did you do?" Millie asked her kit, who held up her right forepaw and mewed tearfully:

"I hurt my paw on a stone. It was really sharp and it hurt."

Millie licked her daughter's paw and, to save her the pain of walking, picked her up by her scruff and carried her to Jayfeather's den to get her hurt paw looked at. Lostkit, although she was relieved at not being the one who hurt Blossomkit, didn't have the same enthusiasm as she did before and opted to watch the other kits have an all-versus-all play-fight against one another instead.

Blossomkit and Millie came back near to sunhigh, Blossomkit looking her same usual happy self and walking beside her mother with a bounce in her step; Millie smiled and said that Blossomkit hadn't hurt her paw too badly but Jayfeather had let her have a poppy seed to get rid of the pain.

"He's such a kind tom." Daisy purred, smiling as Blossomkit persuaded Lostkit to play with her and the other kits and the two of them bounced off to play.

"A very good medicine cat too." Whitewing added, watching her kits closely; Millie and Daisy agreed and began to chat casually about the various events that had happened in the clan, always keeping an eye on the kits.

It was just past sunhigh when the kits ran out of energy to keep play-fighting and had a quick meal before Dovekit brightly decided that they should all play Scent-and-seek*. All the kits agreed happily to that and played Ear-Tail-Paw* to see who would be seeking first; it took a few turns but eventually Bumblekit lost and he trotted into the nursery to count whilst the other kits scampered off to hide.

Lostkit had found a hiding place behind a clump of bracken and was surprised to find a small, cave-like area behind it; a rocky, unstable slope led up to a hole in the wall and Lostkit smelt the fresh scents of the forest wafting in. She was about to take a step forward when Dovekit barrelled into her and knocked her to the ground.

Both kits lay in a daze on the cold floor for a few heartbeats but soon staggered to their paws and looked at one another; well, Lostkit looked at Dovekit, but the younger she-kit was too busy staring up at the rocky slope and the opening above.

"A way out of camp!" She said aloud, eyes gleaming with excitement.

"Oh no." Lostkit shook her head. "No Dovekit, we can't leave camp; what about that fox?"

"It's probably moved on; come on, it'll be fun!" Dovekit beamed and bounded forward, barely hesitating as she scrambled onto the first rock which led up to the hole; Lostkit shuffled on her paws, torn between following her friend and staying in the safety of camp; but when she saw Dovekit was almost quarter of the way up the rocky ledge Lostkit huffed and followed after her, someone had to look after the adventurous younger she-kit didn't they? Sure, Lostkit was barely a moon older than Dovekit but still, she was still older and Dovekit felt like a younger sister to her and siblings looked after each other, even if they weren't related.

Pulling herself up onto the third rock, Lostkit felt it wobble slightly under her as she prepared to make a valiant leap for the fourth and froze, waiting until her heart stopped pounding so hard before jumping at the forth rock and scrabbling up on top of it. Her paws and legs were aching already, she should've rested more after her play-fighting matches; Dovekit was ¾ of the way up the rocky slope now and she paused to look back down at Lostkit.

"Come on! Almost there!" She beamed and carried on scrambling upwards. Lostkit sighed and pulled herself up onto the fifth rock, using a smaller stone to give herself a boost up; the sixth, seventh and eighth rocks were easier as the gaps between them were smaller and there were small stones piled up and poking between the gaps to make them easier to climb up.

Dovekit was waiting at the top of the slope, staring out at the forest beyond with wide-eyes, her mouth was open slightly in awe of the large outside world she hadn't seen before and Lostkit almost had to cuff her across the ear to get her attention. Dovekit grinned and shifted her weight from paw to paw with excitement.

"This is going to be so fun!" She exclaimed brightly.

"We're going to get in so much trouble when the queens find out." Lostkit answered, using Dovekit's bright tone.

"We'll be back before they begin to worry silly." Dovekit rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Let's go!" She leapt across the small gap that cut off the hole from the ledge and waited for Lostkit to jump over as well before bounding off, giggling insanely.

Lostkit did her best to keep up a good pace as she followed the younger she-kit but it was no use, she had to speed up just to keep Dovekit in sight whenever the kit veered off to the left or right in chase of something bright and colourful. True, the forest did intrigue Lostkit a lot and she wanted nothing more than to throw all her cares and worries about being found and told off away - like Dovekit had obviously done - and join her nursery-friend in frolicking about like a tom and she-cat who had just fallen in love; but she couldn't and when she almost had, the thought of the fox leapt into her mind. It had only been a half moon ago when it was last scented freshly again but Lostkit had heard enough stories about foxes stealing kits and killing them to be scared of them for a long time.

The tabby she-kit squeaked in surprise as she was suddenly tackled to the ground by a giddy Dovekit, who started batting her playfully with her paws. Batting the other kit back, Lostkit's thoughts of being told off were quickly replaced with just beating Dovekit in their playful scuffle and eventually were wiped from her mind completely. Thinking like a 2 moon old kit now, Lostkit began giggling and chased Dovekit through the forest, pouncing after colourful things that turned out to be blooming flowers and peering between tree roots to see if they could find any holes where rabbits might live.

When they had run out of breath, the two kits collapsed on the ground beneath the shaded branches of a large, bright Buddleia and worked on regaining their breath and cooling down, all their running and jumping having warmed their bodies up quite a bit. Lostkit rolled onto her belly after a while and was about to slide out from under the buddleia when a rank stench hit her nose; Dovekit must have smelt it too because she rolled onto her belly and tensed noticeably.

Creeping backwards to Dovekit's side, the two kits cowered on the ground as a large dog-like animal stalked into view, its head peering out first from behind a group of ferns and glinting amber eyes staring around the area. It stopped and stood still less than 5 dog lengths from them, ears pricked and white-tipped tail swishing slowly from side to side; Lostkit realised with a jolt that this creature they were staring at must be a fox.

Almost as if it had heard her thoughts, the fox's head snapped round and Dovekit and Lostkit froze like ice as amber eyes stared malevolently right where they were hiding.

_Scent-and-seek = Hide-and-seek_

_Ear-tail-paw = Rock-paper-scissors_


End file.
